Thank you for flying AirPapua, your nonstop flight from your comfy home to the small but beautiful island of Papua New Guinea. Your captain today is Islands Girl.
AirPapua is committed to providing you with the most authentic Papua New Guinean experience outside of Papua New Guinea.
If there is a seat belt attached to your seat, please buckle it. The PNG parliament recently passed a law that all moving vehicles whether by air, sea, or land, must have seat belts, but unfortunately, we don't have the funds right now to supply every person with a life saving seat belt.
In the likely event of an emergency, there is one exit at the front of this airline. Please, no pushing or shoving. Understand that you might be the only survivor, so read up on how to survive in the bush.
Under your seat you will find a machete - an important tool you will need to use if you are placed in a survival situation. Please refrain from cannibalism as Papua New Guinea is a land full of edible plants, insects, rodents, and a few larger mammals.
We are not sure how long the flight will take - we are running our watches on PNG time.
Please get comfortable, remove your shoes, and get to know your neighbors. The most important aspect of this flight is to leave having made new friends who will open their homes up at any time for you to come visit in the likely chance that you will be in their area.
The current time is "Morning" so you have the whole flight to get to know your new friends.
If you find that you need to use the outhouse, please make your way to the back of the plane and squat over the hole in the plane. If you'd like to pee right to the side of your seat, please feel free to
but we ask that if you need to poop, then carefully proceed to the
outhouse. You may feel an uncomfortable sucking feeling and perhaps a rush of wind, but relax - you are just feeling the outside air thousands of kilometers up in the sky. You are completely safe - unless you can fit through the hole, then be careful.
For your entertainment, we have seated you next to another human being. Please take full advantage of the friendship that is sure to follow. Do not be afraid to make eye contact, share about life struggles and successes and give encouragement and advice. Please feel free to exchange addresses, phone numbers (if you are rich enough to own one) and lice.
Do not be afraid of lice - all they mean is that you hugged someone else with lice. Anyways, lice can't hurt you. Once we land in Papua New Guinea, you can rub Crisco all over your head for a day to suffocate the little critters, but most likely you will hug another friend and catch them again.
For your convenience, we've supplied you with a complimentary glass of fresh coconut milk and a bowl of cold kaukau and sako. Please eat everything given to you, and if you are full pass on your plate to your neighbor who will finish it for you. We waste no food. If you do not like the taste of either of these, we apologize but right now, our gardens are only growing kaukau and sako. If you would have waited until cucumber season, we could have given you a choice of kaukau, sako, or cucumber. As we stated before, the focus of this trip is on getting to know your neighbors instead of on the types and quality of food.
We apologize for any inconvenience it is to you not knowing how long our flight is, but once again, the focus is on getting to know your neighbors.
Please understand that once we land in Papua New Guinea, you may experience an unpleasant change of weather, culture shock and allergic reactions to bug bites.This is normal, and you will adjust in time. I am not sure how much time it will take, but it doesn't matter because you will be getting to know more people and investing in their lives.
So please sit back, relax, grab some kaukau, sako and don't be afraid to hold your neighbors hand. Along the same lines, please do not be offended if your neighbor holds your hand. By holding their hand, you are simply letting them know you want to be friends and you are expressing that in a way that is culturally appropriate.
I will be walking around, getting to know each of you because it is more important for me to get to know each of you than it is to provide drinks, meals, or any of those things. We are all here to get to know each other - everything else can wait.